DISCLAIMER: This is not a new year’s resolutions post. Or maybe it is. Whatever. Here’s a look at some of what I’ll be getting up to in this blessed 2018.
1. See a therapist. Often. More than once a week, if she doesn’t tire of me.
Self care is priority numero uno for me this year. In as many forms as it may take. Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair, and 2017 was the hottest of hot messes. I’ve had my brushes with depression, almost deep dived (dove?) into the pit last year, and I’m sensible enough to know that professional help is needed to unpack all the baggage if I’m to have a decent life going forward. Please, please, please pay attention to your mental health. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist or counsellor. Don’t let society’s messed up views on this matter keep you bound.
2. Actually leave my house without heading to work, church or Missa Chin wholesale
I’m a homebody and I don’t people very well, so gatherings of the social variety always leave me with my heart and stomach hovering in the region of my throat. That’s even with people I know and love. Leaving my house, even to go to said work, church or wholesale, fills me with anxiety, and all I can think about is getting back inside. Nighttime gatherings are the worst, because as 9PM strikes, my internal alarm starts screaming, “HOME! HOME! HOME!” I’m such fun, guys. But I will do this. Maybe once per quarter? Baby steps.
3. Publish a book
I made up my mind to do this late last year and I will not be deterred. It’ll be poetry. Not too confident in putting my prose out in public just yet. Building up to it. Maybe 2019? Now, I haven’t written a poem in aeons, but I’m sure it’s like riding a bicycle. Except I never learned how to do that… I’ll definitely be hitting up my girl Janeth Benjamin, who self-published her own book of poetry last year.
4. Take up boxing or kickboxing
Relating to to-do number one, I have a lot of anger, angst and aggression that I need to unleash, and whaling on a few punching bags seems safer than spitting fire at unsuspecting and undeserving people, no? Plus, I’m “fluffy” and could use the exercise.
5. Get on a plane and go somewhere outside of Jamaica
I must visit all three of these places even once in my life, in the name of Jesus. I almost made it to Cuba late last year, for a mission trip. We ended up missing the flight and having to reschedule. But whether it’s that mission trip or just to go sit on a beach in another Caribbean state, or reaching all the way to the Motherland (Cape Town, please God!) I’m seeing some world this year. Never mind the anxiety associated with just leaving my house. God has not given me a spirit of fear. Plus I’m going to therapy, remember?
6. Dance like nobody’s watching, even though they will be, cuz issa dance class!
I’ve written about my obsession with dancing before. I swear I was born to be Jamaica’s Misty Copeland. I just never got the chance. Since it’s too late for me to get my ballet on, I’m gonna go try to get my Oti Mabuse on. I recently found out about somewhere that offers actual ballroom dancing classes right here in Kingston, and I’ma do it! I’ma learn to do a bit of what I’ve been obsessing over while drooling over my faves on Dancing with the Stars and Strictly Come Dancing.
7. Read all the books I own that are currently gathering dust on various surfaces in my room and taking up space on my Kindle
I have a stack of about 50-leven books (hard copy and digital) that I have yet to start, or have started and put down a few pages or chapters in. Must finish them. Or make up my mind about any of them I just have no intention of finishing. Maybe I should also consider not going to the Amazon Kindle store every other day, too. It used to be that I couldn’t put a book down until I’d finished it, no matter how terrible it was (and I’ve read some truly tripe-a-licious ones), but I’m a grown-azz woman and ain’t nobody got time for that no mo’. *Kanye shrug*
8. Revisit the purpose of this blog
I haven’t been as dedicated to blogging as I’d hoped to be when I started, for one reason or the other. Sometimes I just don’t feel like writing and other times, I don’t know what to write about. But I had a mission in mind when I started this journey, and I shall rekindle a sense of purpose and urgency about it. So be prepared for more musings from le me!