Category: Life Lessons

Budapest World Championships A Stress Me Outtttt!!

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Hello! Hi! Howdy!

How long has it been? Di ‘mount a dust mi did afi blow offa dis blog. Mighty God of Daniel! But I’m back! (Not permanently. I’m just feeling inspired by the ongoing World Championships in Budapest, Hungary.)

Speaking of, why it a stress out Jamaica so? Why it a try move like London 2017, aka that World Champs that we don’t talk about?! Is like somebody work some premium guzu pon wi. Broady drop, Jaydon get injured—two almost sure gold medals and possible championships records just gone soso so. Oblique come fourth, Hansle nuh win, and then to make it worse, Such Girl go win di 100m. Puppa Jeezas!

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Say Hello to Alayo Issue 3 – The Winter Edition

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This one took some doing, but we got ‘er done and she is glorious!

Keep hope alive, y’all!

Last year took a lot from us—loved ones, jobs, opportunities, freedom of movement, peace of mind, and the list goes on. By the time we got to December, we were looking forward to the new year with an almost desperate hope, pleading for 2021 to be better.

We know there’s no magic wand to make all the challenges disappear, but there’s indeed something kind of magical about the turn of the year—maybe it’s the energy of billions of people collectively putting their hopes and dreams out into the atmosphere. It’s inspiring and challenges us to dare for more, no matter how the previous year turned out. It’s that excitement of expectancy that led me to focus on HOPE for issue no. 3 of Alayo magazine, which was published at the end of January.

Take a look inside and see how some of my readers held on to hope in the middle of a chaotic year and how they plan to keep looking forward despite the challenges 2021 has already thrown our way.

Circumlocution

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Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

I don’t write because I am afraid.
I am afraid of my words.
I am afraid to search for my words,
of what I’ll find when I plumb
the depths of my feelings to unearth them.
I am afraid of turning on the spigot and having them rush out
—or trickle.
Or worse, there is not a single drop
because the works have rusted from lack of use.

I am afraid of my voice
because the silence in which I suffer
has become my brittle chrysalis
and making any sound might cause it to shatter.
I am not quite ready or able to be a butterfly.

I am afraid of cutting myself open,
my blood the ink on the page
from wounds that won’t heal
because I’m afraid to tend to them, too.

I am afraid.
Of standing naked before myself
and picking myself apart
letter by letter
until I am just bones.

But sometimes a word claws its way out of my belly
and plops upon the page.
I look at this strange thing
that came out of me and it’s ugly and misshapen
but also, somehow, beautiful.

I am so afraid.
But fear is a casket
and I am not yet dead.

So I will go in search of them,
those elusive words that are sometimes
at the tip of my pen and tongue.
I will write myself into my own life’s story
letter by letter
even on crumpled pages
until I am whole.

I Made A Magazine!

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I’m not even going to hitch: I’m proud to present to you the first issue of Alayo magazine.

Isn’t she gorgeous? Twenty whole pages of joy rightchea!

It’s often been said that when life throws you lemons, instead of being bitter, you should use them to make lemonade. Beyonce has a whole album about it too, so there ya go!

Continue reading “I Made A Magazine!” →

Miss Rena In Memoriam

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Photo by Liv Bruce on Unsplash

If you’ve spent any time around me, you ‘know’ my Miss Rena. I probably talk about her at least once a day, on average. She definitely crosses my mind at least once every day. Born Ena Mae Attride on this day in 1927, she was my grandmother by virtue of being the woman who raised my mother. She was a small, feisty, half-Cuban former floor show dancer who would not hesitate to tell you about yourself, especially if you dared cross her or trouble her own. Think Madea, minus the gun and getaway car. In her younger days, she probably would have fought you, too. She often shared the story of how she was expelled from secondary school (I think it was Convent of Mercy) because she hit one of the Sisters after being caned.

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So… Let’s Talk About 2018, Shall We?

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*YouTuber voice* Hi guys!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I hadn’t planned for it to go so long between posts, but as you can clearly see if you’re even a semi-regular visitor to this URL, things haven’t exactly gone as planned for ya girl this year at all. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Continue reading “So… Let’s Talk About 2018, Shall We?” →

To Dust

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a work in progress

Photo by Kunj Parekh

And suddenly you’re just a body
the things you owned and prized
left to be cast or given away —

the books you read, plus the ones you never got around to
knickknacks and mementos you never could part with
jeans you swore you’d fit into again someday
new nighties and underwear and fresh towels
folded away in a bag in your closet
just in case you were ever admitted to the hospital
your favourite, well-worn Sunday church shoes
plus the new ones still shiny and spotless in their boxes
pictures from beach trips and parties and birthdays
and embarrassing candid shots
your signature smile or belly laugh flash frozen in each one

— picked to the bone by family and friends
desperate to hold on to a piece of you
even those who never bothered to hold you
while you were still a life

The rest will be thrown into bags and boxes
detritus left outside the gate
to await their own demise

Next you’re a memory
your best moments
in a looping highlight reel
played and replayed at future gatherings
and in dark and lonely hours
to help soothe the pain

Then one day there are no more tears
and slowly you begin to fade
your image disintegrating
drifting away on the wind
swirling around like ashes
returning to the earth like dust

I Will Not Speak My Fears

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a poem written under duress

Photo by Barun Patro

I will not speak my fears
lest they become winged beasts
with mighty jaws
talons of steel
and eyes of fire

They will hunt me
crush my heart
lacerate my flesh
and make ashes of my dreams

I will not feed my fears
with dark wonderings
in midnight hours
to shroud my realities
beneath lies of the impossible

No

I will not give them life
I will suffocate them
under the weight of
thoughts and words that are
true, honest, just, pure, lovely
and of good report

For as I think in my heart
so I am
and I think I am brave
and strong
and brilliant
and I can do all things

If I have to eat the fruit of my words
then I prefer it to be sweet
to give energy to my spirit
and health to my bones

And I will spit out the seeds
that will grow into tall trees
to give me shade in my youth
and bear more fruit in my old age

I will not speak fear
for I shall have whatsoever I say
and what I want
and will have
is life more abundant

— for donalee, keresa and kendra

My Sister’s Eulogy

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On Monday, New Year’s Day, at around 3PM, I put my older sister Karen on a taxi to Half Way Tree so she could get a ride to Spanish Town, from where she’d get on another bus to Ocho Rios, then home to Brown’s Town. We talked on the phone briefly about a week later. I can’t remember what we talked about. Then on the 13th of January, at 7:04AM, I got a call from our aunt, who was crying and hyperventilating on the phone.

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