I don’t write because I am afraid. I am afraid of my words. I am afraid to search for my words, of what I’ll find when I plumb the depths of my feelings to unearth them. I am afraid of turning on the spigot and having them rush out —or trickle. Or worse, there is not a single drop because the works have rusted from lack of use.
I am afraid of my voice because the silence in which I suffer has become my brittle chrysalis and making any sound might cause it to shatter. I am not quite ready or able to be a butterfly.
I am afraid of cutting myself open, my blood the ink on the page from wounds that won’t heal because I’m afraid to tend to them, too.
I am afraid. Of standing naked before myself and picking myself apart letter by letter until I am just bones.
But sometimes a word claws its way out of my belly and plops upon the page. I look at this strange thing that came out of me and it’s ugly and misshapen but also, somehow, beautiful.
I am so afraid. But fear is a casket and I am not yet dead.
So I will go in search of them, those elusive words that are sometimes at the tip of my pen and tongue. I will write myself into my own life’s story letter by letter even on crumpled pages until I am whole.
It’s been ages since I shared anything here and since BlueHost is still collecting my coins for hosting and whatnot, I figured I should stop wasting the real estate. So here goes. This is Graduation, a piece loosely inspired by true events. It’s the first story I wrote that I let anyone see since my epic teen novel instalments in 2nd form and I wrote it in 2009, more than a decade after I’d stopped writing for fun. I was rusty and being the self-judgey writer that I am, I’m sure it showed, but it still copped a silver medal in the JCDC Creative Writing Competition, so we thank God! Anyhoodle, I felt like sharing, so I hope you enjoy!
I’m now officially three weeks behind in my writing for the University of Iowa’s How Writers Write Fiction 2016: Storied Women course. I’ve spent the past two weeks cycling through various stages of panic, as the final ‘lecture’ will be posted this week, then the course closes on the 21st at midnight. Which means I have one week to churn out three assignments. Well, two, since I’m now waist deep into assignment three, finally.
I’m now officially three weeks into the University of Iowa’s How Writers Write Fiction 2016: Storied Women course, but I’m a few days behind as I just submitted my second assignment this morning. The focus of week two was desire and point of view. The task was to establish a female character who experiences a strong desire, who acts on said desire, but may or may not get what she wants. The point of view used in the narration should be picked based on which one best articulates the character’s desire, and the things she thinks/feels/experiences in acting on it.